Hilary Moore: Perspectives on rape

This has been a frightening and upsetting week. Following last week's column, messages from women and men have flooded my inbox -- shattering in their honesty and courage.

The rest of the column is devoted to these voices. Some are deeply disturbing but have been offered in the conviction that testimony and open discussion about rape and sexual assault is necessary on Penn's campus.

I'd like to thank all those who have made themselves vulnerable by sending me their words. I am only sorry I can not quote every story in full.

"Rape has come to be regarded by women's groups as a crime so heinous that guys can't believe they (we) ever commit it.

"If guys are honest with themselves, most of them would know very well (and do know) that technically they have at some time been guilty of rape. That's why we make light of it -- the guilt contributes to the laughter"

-- a male graduate student

"Rape is about completely ignoring the desires of at least one of the people involved and it doesn't make it OK if you're ignoring the desires of a person you know. I can't imagine why certain men seem to feel it's such a hardship to realize that there is more than one person in the bed."

-- Veronica Shanoes, second year English graduate student

"People this day in age give women the false sense of hope that women can be in control, but there are times (not all of which are violent) that a woman is at the mercy of a man. It's scary and painful and completely debilitating to be in the situation of no control. Rape flips your whole world upside down and makes you fear everyday life."

-- a rape victim at Penn

"I would never wish onto anyone what has happened to me. I wake up every morning and go to bed every night with the haunting memory that I am not in control of my own body. I never admitted to myself, and still have a hard time doing it now that I was raped. Was it because it was my boyfriend? Growing up I was taught that rape was an assault by some unknown, masked man that happened when you were walking alone in the middle of the night. It was never something that happened in your own bedroom."

-- Karen Cullen, Nursing senior and member of Students Together Against Acquaintance Rape

"When I was 16, I was raped. It was physical violence, his size, strength and penis were the weapons. It shattered me emotionally. I told no one because I would have been blamed. I survived it all, and have gone on to have a good life. But, looking back, he really should have gone to prison. He damaged me terribly."

- a rape survivor

"I was molested last semester while heavily drunk. I was unable to do anything about it. I had no way to stop what was happening.

"Rape is a violation of the one thing that you will have from birth until death -- your body. It is yours until you die and not something you should have to share with anyone unless you choose. However, in this situation, I believe I was partially responsible since I was so drunk."

-- a male undergraduate

"It's sad and amazing to learn just how many of your women friends have been raped once you start talking to them.

"Even after more than 25 years, my recollection of being raped -- twice within the space of a few months -- is still too vivid and painful for me to want to dwell on it. I was first raped by my supposed boyfriend. I didn't know that he was a paranoid, jealous and violent man when we began going out. I soon found out, but only after becoming pregnant (when I was raped), losing the baby and fearing for my own life. This, I guess, was date rape of a sort.

"A few months later I was with a friend when we were accosted by two men in Paris. It was terrifying. They kissed us and put their arms around us and when we tried to pull away, they pulled us to the ground and started pulling off our clothes. It was terrifying. I thought the guy who jumped me was going to choke me, and all I could think about was the fact that I would die in Paris and my parents would never know what happened to me.

"My friend was raped four times and when they finally left us alone, she could barely walk. They spoke to us at the end -- they actually thought we would want their address so we could write to them."

-- a Penn staff member

"I genuinely believe that rapists should be castrated or tortured or put to death."

-- an alumna Hilary Moore is a third-year Ethnomusicology graduate student from Perth, Scotland.

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