PrognostiQuakers: Week 8

So, it comes down to this.

With two games to play, its...

A clash of the titans.

Mysteriously-unbeaten Harvard.

Invincible Penn.

Something's got to give, and we PrognostiQuakers are pretty sure that it'll be Harvard quarterback Neil Rose's left knee.

We began our weekly journey with a trip to Hell, after noticing Mephistopheles on page six of Harvard's "Notable Alumni List."

The Prince of Darkness was surprised to see us.

"Hello," said the Devil. "Nice to see you again."

Last time we saw Satan, he had materialized in the sacred PrognostiQuaker fortress of solitude -- the Pink Palace -- and taken the form of fellow Harvard alum and Hollywood pretty boy Matt Damon.

"Princeton is ranked eighth in the nation," the Author of All Lies told us then. "How do you like them apples?"

Though the Horned One could have made Quakers hoops tops in the nation, we turned down the "Princeton Special" -- the price of which would have been the soul of Fran Dunphy contained in the supernatural vessel that is the legendary Penn basketball Arc of the Covenant.

His mustache.

So now we see Old Nick again -- this time in the form of Hollywood nutjob and member of the undefeated 1968 Harvard football team Tommy Lee Jones -- and he has for us another offer we must refuse.

"I have a proposition for you," Scratch said. "I can make it so that when Penn gets through with Harvard, those Crimson boys won't be able to hide in any gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse or doghouse in Boston."

Wait a second.

Why is the Lord of the Cloven Hoof trying to fix the game against his alma mater?

'Cause he's the Devil. That's why.

We did not need to consider the offer of the Grand Deceiver. After all, the Quakers will do that stuff without any intervention from the legions and minions of the Dark One.

So, the Fallen Angel gave us a ride in his van back to Philly, and we were excused from the nether regions of the universe until next season, when both Cornell and Princeton appear on the schedule as road games.

Penn 666, Harvard 0.

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