Ariel Horn: A real case interview

It's as constant at Penn as unfinished construction projects: hordes of students dressed in navy, black and grey suits, armed with leather folders embossed with University of Pennsylvania or Wharton logos, heading determinedly toward On-Campus Recruiting like true warriors. They sit in McNeil and wait patiently for the moment of truth that roots out the men from the boys, the wheat from the chaff, the employed from the unemployed -- the interview.

In a mere half-hour, it's over. The interviewee has humbly articulated his "passion for statistical analysis." He has claimed his biggest flaw is that he is "impatient for results." (Thanks, Peggy Curchack!) He has fondly recalled his favorite experience at Penn: staying up all night to do extracurricular research on the history of the Nasdaq.

But what would a "real" interview look like? One in which students just told it like it is, rather than how they wanted it to appear to be?

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Interviewer from Company Interviewee Knows Nothing About: Thanks so much for coming to this interview. Fortunately for you, I'm not at all tired from interviewing 13 students before you who have virtually the same resume.

The way this is going to work is that I'm going to ask you some questions about your interests and experiences at Penn, and then we'll put some behavior questions on the table. How does that sound?

Random Penn Student: Well, it's not nearly as good as the idea of you telling me right now that I've got the job and two months of paid vacation in addition to a $10,000 signing bonus. But let's give it a try.

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

RPS: Well, I applied to Penn as a safety school, but then when I didn't get into Harvard because of my three-day suspension from school for smoking pot during band, I decided that maybe Penn was the place for me. Basically, I've been sliding through Penn by taking various SARS courses to boost my GPA; I'm an econ major so that I can at least get an interview somewhere.

Though to be honest with you, I hate my major and generally don't like doing work or studying. As for the impressive consulting and investment banking jobs on my resume, well, I got those through my parents' connections to various high-powered CEOs who employed me as a favor.

Interviewer: Great, great. Now, have you ever worked on a team? What role did you play as a member of that team?

RPS: Um... I once had this project for a class where we had to write a paper and do a presentation in a group. But I forgot that we had a meeting, so I basically didn't do anything at all! Then when we did the presentation I mostly talked out of my ass, taking credit for work that I never did. I got an A for my part in the presentation, but my group members got Bs. I would say I was the "Usurper of Responsibility." Yeah. That was my role.

Interviewer: Can you give me an example of how you've made a decision in the past?

RPS: OK... here's a good example: last week I had two exams to study for. I had totally forgotten about both of them because I was really hungover all weekend, so I was faced with a choice: Which one do I study for?

One of them was multiple choice, so I decided that I could probably get through that one without studying. The other was an essay, so I studied for it since it would be harder to fake the multiple choice. I would say this shows my critical thinking skills pretty well. Do you want another example? The other day I was making a choice between eating at Gold Standard or Pizza Rustica...

Interviewer: What is your biggest flaw?

RPS: Well, I'm lazy, I don't put a lot of effort into the work I do, and I don't really care about details. I hate research, and I don't like responsibility. Wait! I meant to say I'm a perfectionist!

Interviewer: (writes "perfectionist" in notes) And my last question for you is: Why do you want to work in this industry, with this company?

RPS: Well, I really want a high-paying job next year. I'd like to make more than $50,000 to start, and your company offers that, and with the fat signing bonus my friend told me you offer, I figured, why the hell not? I don't really care what I do, and I think at a big company like yours, nobody will really notice if I don't do any work. Also, the economy's really bad now, so I don't know that my mom will be able to get me a job at the investment bank I worked at this summer.

Interviewer: Do you have any questions for me?

RPS: Did I get the job?

Ariel Horn is a senior English major from Short Hills, N.J.

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