After a 35-7 trouncing of the cowardly Lions from Columbia last Saturday, the next hurdle on Penn's quest for the holy grail is that team from Yale, the Elis.
Wait, sorry. The Bulldogs.
Somewhere along the way, the school that graduated our president, his father and Chris Dudley decided that the Eli was not an intimidating symbol of power but rather an aristocratic name from the 16th century.
And we all know that it would be absurd to associate our New Haven foes with snooty aristocrats.
So while Yale will undoubtedly bring its new mascot to Franklin Field this weekend to cheer on the aristocrats, we PrognostiQuakers are bringing in a mascot of our own.
Meet Sadie the Sports Dog.
Sadie is a soft, brownish-white, fluffy Collie with a ferocious gambling streak. Each week, much to the amazement of her peers in the dog world, Sadie miraculously picks the winners of each of the Ivy League football games.
Although she usually barks out her selections late Saturday morning -- it's really quite amazing to hear a dog say "Crimson" -- we decided to test Sadie's instincts by forcing her to select this weekend's winners two days in advance.
We set up two bowls on the 50-yard line, one representing the Quakers and one representing the "Bulldogs."
In the Quakers bowl, we placed a fresh, gooey Philly cheesesteak, topped with steaming onions and oily mushrooms.
In the "Bulldogs" bowl, we placed an empty can of Alpo dog food.
We felt that these selections best represented the quality of the teams playing this weekend and the cities they represent. Philadelphia is a majestic city of warmth, tenderness and good football. New Haven... well, you get the picture.
Once the dishes were set, we unleashed our proud mascot onto the field, and faster than Kris Ryan breaking off a TD run, she darted across the turf heading for midfield.
As she sipped on her saucer of Chardonnay, which was placed between the two bowls, Sadie exclaimed, "What an accurate representation of the two schools!"
(She's a Penn dog. She's got an extensive vocabulary.)
Sadie devoured the cheesesteak in three bites, much like Gavin Hoffman will devour the Yale secondary on Saturday.
Since Sadie hasn't been wrong yet, maybe the "Bulldogs" should stick to wine and cheese and avoid the football field this Saturday.
Penn 38, Yale 3.
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