At age thirty it is not all downhill

Many students, women and men alike, believe that 30 is the defining age when you should "have it all," -- a career, marriage, children and family. But, in reality, isn't this a myth? Why does the age have to be 30years old, and who proclaimed such a rule? I do not know where the idea came from, but some believe that once you hit that number, life is merely a downhill climb.

That is a pretty sad commentary. This means that after high school, there are only 12 good years left, and after those 12 years are up, I become a pathetic specimen of a human being. I have to get everything done in 12 years from college to graduate school to finding a career -- and getting married and having children? In 12 years? Is that a crazy concept, or is it just me?

I do not know about you, but I want to enjoy the time I have, so I am not going to rush through 12 years so I can meet that 30-something deadline. I want to experience what there is without being tied down by a career or a family, and I want to do it while I have the time. Rushing through school, just to have a career does not seem all that appealing. Taking my time, taking it easy and finding out what it is that I want from life sounds better to me. If that takes me longer than 12 years, it is no big deal -- I will not blow up, I will not turn pathetic and everything will be fine.

As far as I am concerned, my life will not suddenly becoming boring and useless when I reach 30, or 40 or 50, or at any age, for that matter. It is just a number and does not define anything about me. The only defining numbers in our American age system are 18, 21, and 65 -- when we can vote, join the army and get married, drink and eventually receive social security benefits.

I have talked to a lot of people who are older, such as professors, counselors and administrators, and they have told me the same thing. At 30, your life falls into place, not out of sync. You are more mature, more confident, and you know what your needs are and how to meet them. You become more settled, more secure and are able to make better decisions concerning your life. That sounds pretty good to me -- So why do people say the 30's are downhill?

I also look at celebrities and public figures to see what their lives were like when they "had it all," and how they defined this proclaimed crucial age. Oprah did not obtain her TV success until her 30's, and she does not even include marriage as part of "having it all." Shock jock Howard Stern achieved his fame in his 30's, but then he divorced his wife, Allison -- so does this mean his life fell apart? And former first lady, now turned New York Senator Hillary Clinton looks like she is at the pinnacle of her success in her 40's.

So why should I "have it all" by the time I am 30? Because I like to set myself up for unrealistic goals, so I can become depressed? I do not want to suddenly hit rock bottom when I hit any age -- I intend to take it easy and try to not force anything life throws my way.

I think too many students look at what their parents had and when they had it. Yes, my parents were married, set in their careers and had two of their three children by the time they were 30 years old, but that was all in the past. It does not reflect the times we now live in. Many people are returning back to school while in their 30's and 40's, making career changes or getting that bachelor degree they never got when they were younger. It is very common now to put off marriage and having children. It is easier to have our careers set before we start a family, which is what our 20's are all about -- learning, experiencing and seeing what is out there for us. I do not believe our parents really did that.

Perhaps this is the lesson we can learn from our parents. How many of us are from divorced families? I know there are a lot of us out there. Maybe our parents got married too young, idealized marriage as some sort of a fairy tale, and did not completely realize what makes a marriage work and how much work it takes. On the other hand, it is possible that they changed over time and their partner did not change with them. Whatever the reason, I think we can learn from them.

I do not want to make the mistakes my parents made in their marriage. I want to be honest with myself. I see too many women who think of marriage as a game that is played -- being wife, mother and lover -- and men are like that too. They want to play husband, father and lover, but have no true idea what that means. I wonder if any of us truly do.

Hopefully, by being patient and in our own time we will know what it takes to succeed in life, and we will try to make better decisions than some of our parents did. I hate to say it, but there are going to be a lot of disappointments and failures out there if we continue to believe in the myth that our lives end at 30.

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