Forget Wall St., this job's for me

My girlfriend and I recently celebrated our one-year anniversary. Since this is by far my longest steady relationship, I have considered the possibility that we could one day get married. While she is studying Finance and OPIM in Wharton, I am majoring in Physics and Biochemistry in the College. It is also abundantly clear to me that unless I discover the cure for cancer, she will earn significantly more than I will -- thus robbing me of the ability to fulfill my bread-winning masculine responsibility and star as Ward Cleaver in a suburban household near you. So what? I think I'll deal. It's not that I can't wait to mooch off the imminent success of my potential spouse, but that I don't feel it's necessary for the man to have a larger paycheck to maintain his ego. In fact, I would even embrace the role of housewife -- or I guess that would be househusband. First off, even though my wife will have taken over the role of provider, I will still maintain physical dominance. Therefore even if I mess up and don't have the meatloaf and mashed potatoes on the table when she gets home, it is unlikely that she will give me a retaliatory beating. On the flip side, even lower primates know not to bite the hand that feeds. So as more men join the ranks of househusbands, there will be an immediate reduction in domestic violence. Secondly, if she comes home after a hard day at the office and demands a quick stress-relieving bedroom romp, I will always be more than willing to stop knitting and comply. When scaled, these shifting sexual patterns will also benefit society. Given my wife's expected future earnings, my househusbandly duties should not even demand very much attention. Obviously, a maid would come by at least twice a week to do most of the cleaning, and I'd heed the warnings of those well-hidden "dry clean only" tags forbidding me to use the cumbersome Maytag washer-dryer combo. My grocery responsibilities would be stricken when I returned from my first trip to Acme with a year's supply of beer, chips and Ho-Hos. So basically, as a househusband, my duties would include making sure Flo vacuums under the rugs, picking up my wife's neatly pressed Armani suits and being at home to meet the grocery deliveryman. Thus, I'll be left with ample time to catch up on my lifelong passion for the mating habits of field mice. While you may find the previous points a bit farcical, the pressure on men to "bring home the bacon" is very real. As this destructive artifact of the '50s is alleviated, men will have more freedom to pursue their own interests. Men will no longer be shackled to the primitive societal roles of cave people, where Fred bashes dinner over the head with a club while Wilma picks berries from the nearby foliage. I have no desire to be a workaholic father whose gifts spend more time with his children than he does. I look forward to the opportunity to take time off when my kids are born. Breast-feeding may be a bit difficult without mammary glands, but I am sure the scientists at Pfizer are working hard on a solution. I often hear social and political commentary lamenting the demise of the family structure in America, but I'm all for it. Family is not some rigidly built patriarchal structure upon which this country stands. Family is whatever we make of it. As the typical roles of men and women are blurred, both sexes will be able to achieve more fulfilling lives both within and beyond their homes. Marriage, the foundation of many families, will finally become what it proclaims: a joyous union of two equal partners. And while I assume the cookie-cutter family life will still predominate in the near future, hopefully alternatives will begin to gain widespread acceptance. Men should not fear losing their prized roles as the provider and head of the family, but instead look forward to losing an unnecessary burden, while gaining the freedom to cast their own shadows.

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