JOKE ISSUE: UA has an existential crisis

The Undergraduate Assembly passed a resolution at its meeting Sunday night declaring it the group's No. 1 priority to be "find a purpose." The UA -- composed of 33 members who split their time between aggressively campaigning for re-election on Locust Walk and trying to get themselves quoted in The Daily Pennsylvanian -- conducted a survey to determine what students thought the group's number one priority for the year should be. The survey garnered a total of six responses from students who weren't able to run away fast enough from UA member and Wharton freshman Dave Burd as he chased them down Locust Walk, waving the survey and screaming. "The University community has spoken," said outgoing UA Chairperson and Wharton junior Bill Conway. "The results of this survey are a wake-up call to student government leaders everywhere." UA Treasurer and Wharton sophomore Jonathan Glick added, "[Achieving our No. 1 priority] is going to be difficult for us. I hope we don't let our fellow students down." The UA spent the remainder of Sunday's meeting debating when to begin finding a purpose. Several members wanted to start working immediately, while others sought to table the issue until the following meeting. The UA ultimately decided to form a committee to look into the issue. Members of the newly formed Purpose Committee include College sophomore and Greek Life Committee Chairperson Andrew Mandelbaum, Engineering sophomore and Facilities Committee Chairperson Theodore LeCompte, College junior and West Philadelphia Committee Co-chairperson Mike Silver and College senior and University Council Steering Representative Dave King. "If we had a purpose, I might actually consider attending meetings once in awhile," said King, who has not been to a single UA meeting all semester. "Then again, I'm graduating in a month so it doesn't really matter." University President Judith Rodin had only positive things to say about the UA's choice for its top priority. "I support the UA in their new initiative," said Rodin, who worked on the women's student government body as an undergraduate at Penn. "I think finding a purpose is the next logical step the UA needs to take in order to better fill their role as the elected representatives of Penn undergraduates." And students said they agreed with the UA's top priority. "I don't know exactly what the UA is but I'm glad they've decided to find a purpose," College freshman Jessica Murakami said. Engineering senior Harold Speights said, "I've been confused [about] the UA's purpose since I was a freshman. I was even a member [of the UA] for two years and I still wasn't able to figure it out." But other student leaders said they were angry they were not consulted on the decision to make the UA's number one priority finding a purpose. They will hold a rally later this week to protest the decision.

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