JOKE ISSUE/IFC Pres. Metzl resigns over bid card scandal

Metzl resigned late last night after admitting he never signed a bid card. In a move that came as a shock to the entire Greek community, InterFraternity Council President Mark Metzl resigned his post last night, admitting to a startling controversy that led to the end of his short-lived tenure. Members of the Tau Epsilon Phi fraternity discovered last weekend at a closed brotherhood event that Metzl, a College junior and an alleged brother of that fraternity, never actually signed an official IFC bid during his freshman year. The recent discovery renders Metzl non-Greek, an identity which clearly precludes his holding the IFC presidency. The brothers who discovered the unsigned bid did not confront Metzl with it but instead brought it directly to the Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs at around 8 p.m. last night, where OFSA Director Scott Reikofski deemed the unsigned bid an official violation. Reikofski scheduled a press conference minutes later in College Hall, where the now former IFC president announced his resignation to the IFC and Panhellenic Council executive boards. Also in attendance at the conference were University President Judith Rodin, Provost Robert Barchi, Vice Provost for University Life Valarie Swain-Cade McCoullum and Reikofski. "I'm sorry I have to do this but my actions are inexcusable and I realize that," Metzl said. "The Greek community deserves to have a leader with more integrity." Several sources close to the situation wondered if Metzl purposely withheld from signing the bid or if the move was just a small oversight. Many said they suspect Metzl wanted to join the fraternity, though not officially, so he could later use his knowledge to rally against the Greek community. Metzl denied the strong allegations, claiming that he is not genuinely disinterested in Greek life. "I never signed the bid because I didn't really know if I wanted the label of being Greek so early in my college career," Metzl said later in the night. "If I could turn back time, I would." But when asked why he never signed the bid during his sophomore or junior years, Metzl refused to comment. He did say, however, that he didn't mind being the first IFC president in University history to be forced to abdicate. In fact, he said he "liked the attention." Several TEP brothers said they felt betrayed that Metzl had been an active part of their brotherhood until now -- even serving as the fraternity's president this past year -- when he was never actually an official TEP brother. "Who does this kid think he is --James Bond? He's like one big freakin' spy!" screamed current TEP President Steven Kalter, a Wharton junior, while banging his fist down on the table. Upon hearing the news, IFC Executive Vice President Andrew Exum, a College junior, Sigma Nu brother, member of the Tennessee Valley Authority, lightweight football team member, onetime juror on the Scopes Monkey Trial, Son of the Confederacy and Daily Pennsylvanian columnist, admitted that he was excited to "usurp the Greek throne." "Heck, this position was meant to be mine anyway," Exum said in an especially exaggerated Tennessee twang as he swung his machete. "Now it's all Exum, all the time." Student leaders complained that they were not consulted on the decision to oust Metzl. They said a rally would be held to protest the issue later this week.

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