With new rule, damn near anyone can get a Council seat

This article appeared in the joke issue. and Jamie Palan In a controversial move yesterday, University Council voted to make a written application the only requirement for anyone to receive a representative seat. In response to recent debate over a proposed permanent United Minorities Council seat on Council, members voted to add as many seats as necessary to accommodate all campus organizations and individuals. "I support the change 100 percent," Undergraduate Assembly Chairperson and College junior Tal Golomb said. "I never really thought that the UA should have such a huge monopoly over University decisions." With the elimination of barriers, the action has already prompted a deluge of applications from numerous University groups and individuals. The InterFraternity Council -- an organization whose president has openly admitted trying to influence UA elections to gain money to fund parties -- was among the first to apply for a guaranteed seat. "We're trying to get all our bases covered -- we really want this beer money, and we're willing to do just about anything to get it," IFC President and College junior Matt Baker said. Baker also encouraged the Panhellenic Council as well as each individual fraternity and sorority house to secure a seat to further solidify Greek dominance over University funds. "Sure, we sent out an e-mail telling the chapters to apply for seats," Baker said. "First, the state screws us over with that damn law. Then, [University President] Judy [Rodin] has the bad-ass idea to enforce it. I'm not gonna let them mess things up anymore." And Panhel President and College junior Jessica Lennon said she supports Baker's plan. "I just do whatever Matt tells me to do. He likes to be in control like that," Lennon added. Although the change was only announced yesterday, several other groups and individuals have quickly responded. Those filing seat requests include Hillel, the Wharton MBA Pub, Spectaguard, Bloomers, The Red and Blue and the sixth floor of High Rise East. "We figure if we get a seat on University Council, we might gain some desperately needed legitimacy around here," Red and Blue Editor-in-Chief Marc Leader said. "Maybe if we try real hard, we could look like a good publication -- like The Daily Pennsylvanian," the College senior added. And HRE sixth-floor representative and College sophomore David "Buster" Hyman said he felt a Council seat would give him the opportunity to blast music as loud as he wants without fear of repudiation. DP Executive Editor Eric Goldstein was planning to apply for a seat, but he forgot to file an application. University officials reacted favorably to the change. Provost Stanley Chodorow even admitted his interest in having a Council seat. "Well, let's just say I'd like to apply for one position I know I'll get," the provost said.

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