U.S. troops enter province of Quebec

Over 100,000 troops invaded the area to protect American economic interests concerning maple syrup. Over 100,000 troops invaded the area to protect American economic interests concerning maple syrup.This article appeared in the joke issue. The Associated Press QUEBEC -- Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff John Shalikashvili led a force of over 100,000 U.S. troops into Canada's province of QuZbec yesterday. The morning invasion came after months of bitter economic conflict between QuZbec and New Hampshire, which borders the province to the south. "We're gonna show those frog-eaters how it is," Shalikashvili said. "Even though they're not officially from France, they still sound like Maurice Chevalier." Relations between the U.S. and Canada have grown progressively sour over the past 30 days as New Hampshire and QuZbec farmers butted heads over maple syrup distribution rights. Canadian Prime Minister Jean ChrZtien said he will not take American military action lightly. He plans to send a small expeditionary force of Mounties to combat U.S. troops. "Je n'aime pas les Etats-Unis du tout," ChrZtien a dit. "J'ai seulement une chose ^ dire -- vive le QuZbec!" Refusing to use artillery imported from the U.S., the prime minister will equip his troops with Koho hockey sticks and caribou antlers. President Clinton and Congress authorized the surprise attack in an emergency session in Washington late Monday night. With regard to American strategic plans, Shalikashvili said U.S. troops will take QuZbec City and will not rest until "I can sit my ass down on a real cushy bed in the HTtel Frontenac." Clinton was equally confident of a quick American victory. "We're fighting this war because I need cheap syrup for my morning pancakes," the president said. "There's no doubt in my mind that we'll strike the fear of Dieu into those QuZbecois."

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