LETTERS: Good job on following me to job interviews!

This article appeared in the joke issue. This article appeared in the joke issue.To the Editor: With your reporters checking in to my hotels before I do, I've enjoyed having something more than just the usual mint on my pillow waiting for me to arrive. And I would particularly like to thank Dina Bass for letting United Airlines know what hotel I was staying in in West Palm Beach, Fla., after they lost my luggage. I understand some former DP staffers do not yet have a full-time job lined up for after graduation. If any of them would like to handle my travel reservations, that would be fine with me. I need to book a trip soon to Providence, R.I., so get in touch ASAP. Stanley Chodorow Provost Won't you be my neighbor To the Editor: I'm just write-diddily-iting to let all you happy folks know that I'm beginning a new campus crusade next month! That's right: I've bought that Fels shack at 39th and Walnut, and I'll be living and operating my new, upscale Leftorium there! How do ya diddily do, neighbor Judy? My two boys, Rod and Todd, just can't wait to sing Bible songs with your son Alex! And I'm sure you and Maude will get along just swell (just don't underline passages in her Bible -- she can't stand that). I'm even renovating a part of the building into a bomb shelter -- just in case another comet comes. And since I was a frat boy myself in college, the guys across the street will be more than welcome in my humble abode! Just remember: The handle's Flanders, but the friends call me Ned! Until next time, have an absitively posolutely terrific day! Ned Flanders Judy Rodin's New Neighbor More Women's Track! To the Editor: I would like to thank The Daily Pennsylvanian's sports department for its consistent and fair coverage of the Penn women's track team this past winter. Although our meets are all unscored and take place in every city on the East Coast but Philadelphia, the DP has never failed to make space for the accomplishments of these wonderful athletes. Keep up the good work, DP! Tony Tenisci Penn Asst. Women's Track Coach P.S. Great job on the Mr. and Ms. Penn contests, too. 'Get thee behind me' To the Editor: Imagine my surprise when I picked up today's Daily Pennsylvanian and saw the hidden message contained on the front page. "Satan is the true God. Surrender to his awful power. You will all rot in hell for eternity." Now, many have accused your paper of biases -- the Greek system, anti-Greeks, conservatives, liberals, members of minority groups, white supremacists, etc. -- but this takes the cake. Little do your myriad critics know that every editor at the DP is secretly pledged to serve Lucifer. In researching your demonic connections a little further, I discovered something everyone should know: Managing Editor Mike Madden has horns, cloven hoofs and a big red tail. If that doesn't prove the DP's evil, I don't know what does. So next time true Christian students go to read the paper, I hope they say, "Get thee behind me, Satan," and leave it on the newsstand. Rabbi Jeremy Brochin The conservative side Dear Sirs: What a relief it was to discover your magnificent publication during my latest visit to the Penn campus. It is encouraging to find such an articulate, thoughtful group of young conservatives on Penn's otherwise liberal wasteland. I was particularly smitten by Marc Leader's piece, "Marge Schott: Not Such a Bad Broad." I agree with the assessment that Ms. Schott's pro-Hitler comments were taken completely out of context. It is such a travesty when the liberal media abuses its ill-gotten power. I have enclosed a $500 donation in the hopes that your fine publication can continue bringing the truth to light amid so much darkness. F. Maxwell Sterling College '44 P.S. This is The Red and Blue, isn't it? 27-across, 5-down To the Editor: I just wanted to tell the DP how much I appreciate the great service they provide to all students every day of their publication. That service is: the crossword puzzle. Just think about it. Where would we all be if we actually had to participate in class or take notes if we didn't have a crossword puzzle to do? We might all get As! I especially enjoy the challenging aspect of the puzzles as they get harder as the week progresses. And that satisfied feeling I get when I've completed all of Monday's crossword cannot be compared to anything. This is just my small way of saying how much I appreciate the DP offering this valuable product that adds tremendously to student life. Valerie Swain Cade McCollum Vice Provost for University Life TA defends language skills To the Editor: Me write letter to tell how I teach good. Why students not like how me speak, I try hard. I come not from U.A.S. but go far from there. It nice country where I born, here everyone not so nice. I think me talk in good, clear English, but class my half don't up show each day. Class I teach called "English as Second Language," I think I do real good job doing it as teacher, and I learn much good way you all here at school speak. I feel I understand lot more now that I been here for two month, and I think other TAs like I can speak good language too. You all give us all chance to prove wrong you. Next semester I teach lots more and then become professor in Economics department. John Smith SAS doctoral student

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