LCE closes Smokey Joe's for liquor violations

This article appeared in the joke issue. This article appeared in the joke issue.Agents raided the bar last night, citing 54 for underage drinking. They permanently revoked Smoke's license. In a raid that will mean the end of a "Pennstitution," Pennsylvania Liquor Control Enforcement Bureau agents shut down Smokey Joe's Tavern early this morning, citing 54 students for various infractions, arresting two employees and revoking the bar's license to serve alcohol. Owner Paul Ryan said he would not appeal the loss of his license, and that Smoke's would close permanently by tonight, after more than 40 years near Penn's campus. He will concentrate all his energy on running Smoke's sister bar in Villanova, Pa. "It's been a good run, but it's time to throw in the towel," he said. University Police officials asked the LCE raid, according to Director of Operations Maureen Rush. She warned that students could expect an "almost constant" LCE presence on campus for the rest of the year, with agents spot-checking every fraternity party at least two times to prevent fraternities from charging entrance fees. Last night, the LCE agents burst through the doors at Smoke's shortly after 12:30 a.m., pushing past Tim Krug, the bouncer on duty, and encircling the main bar. After announcing the purpose of their raid, agents asked everyone in Smoke's for identification. Of the 213 patrons last night, 54 were under the legal drinking age. They had all showed fake identification or "VIP" cards at the door to get in, said state police Sgt. Joe Lyle, who heads the LCE squad that busted Smoke's. When the agents realized how many underage drinkers were in the bar, they arrested Ryan and Krug and confiscated the bar's liquor license. Students at the bar last night said the raid caught everyone by surprise. "It was utter chaos," said College freshman Stacey Bloomberger, who is 18-years-old. "Cops were running around everywhere, beer was spilling, people were shouting? I tried to sneak out the door, but I fell when I was climbing over the pinball machine on my way out." Bloomberger said she showed a VIP card belonging to 1995 College graduate Matt Maloney when asked for identification at the door last night. Lyle said LCE agents were shocked by the number of underage drinkers in the bar, since Smoke's uses an elaborate system involving a video camera to verify IDs. But copies of the video tapes from the past week -- including last night's tape -- obtained by The Daily Pennsylvanian show a wide range of unusual activity captured, suggesting that the usually tight security at Smoke's may have lapsed recently. Sunday night's tape, for example, indicates that none of the 78 patrons who entered that night showed any ID at the door. On the tape, University President Judith Rodin's 15-year-old son Alex Niejelow is seen entering the bar, then leaving three hours later, apparently quite drunk. Rodin could not be reached for comment last night. And Friday's tape shows Ryan telling the bouncer on duty to charge patrons $50 to enter, unless they could prove that they were residents of Andorra, a small principality located in the Pyrenees Mountains between France and Spain. Only one person met that qualification, according to the tape -- Wharton junior Jose Marti Alanis. Alanis' father is Juan Marti Alanis, bishop of Seo de Urgel, Spain, and the Andorran head of state. Ryan said late last night that he considered himself lucky that LCE agents were too preoccupied with the underage drinkers to discover his large, illegal collection of endangered species, kept in the hallway in the back of the bar. "Thank God they never found the Komodo dragons," he said. "Closing the Penn location is a small price to pay for continuing my operations as the East Coast's largest dealer of endangered or near-extinct animal specimens." The owner of a very expensive restaurant in Paris -- who asked not to be identified -- told the DP he purchases most of the endangered animals on his menu from Ryan. "The scrambled bald eagle eggs are a phenomenal seller, for an appetizer that costs 5,700 francs [about $1,000]," he said. "And without Paul Ryan, where would I get panda filets? You tell me that!" Ryan decided not to appeal the loss of his liquor license because he wanted to clear out the endangered species and move them to another location before authorities could find them, he said. He worried that by remaining open for tonight's weekly "Sink or Swim" promotion, he would open the door to potential discovery. "I couldn't justify risking the animals just to sell cheap beer to frat boys," he said. "I pull in more than $50 million each year just from catalog sales [of the endangered species]? I hardly need to worry about pushing those extra pints of porter." Lyle said he had no idea he had walked into the largest animal smuggling ring on the East Coast, but said he would be contacting Ryan soon to purchase some spotted owl meat for a barbecue he will be holding during Spring Fling. The cookout will celebrate the many busts he anticipates.

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