IVY ROUNDUP: LSAT Edition

Welcome to the 1996 debut edition of Ivy Roundup -- the one (and sometimes only) place where Penn always comes out on top. For those kids out there who do not know who we are, here's a primer: We here at Roundup find out the zany, wacky and just plain nutty happenings around the Ancient Eight and report all that good stuff to our faithful readers -- yes, all three of you. If we're in a particular creative mood, we set it to a theme. Today's theme is just something that's on the mind of one particular Roundup staff member, for no particular reason. Reading Comprehension of the Week For this section, one can either obtain a copy of the September 15 edition of The New Haven Register that chronicles the decline of Yale athletics in a three-part series or just guess at the answers. 1. The major criticism that can made about the series is? A) To say that "neglect" has led the Yale athletic program, to "ruin" is an exaggeration. B) To title the series "Yale athletics: Mastery to mediocrity" is sensationalistic. C) Yale football coach Carm Cozza was mistakingly called a Wharton junior (sorry, I was thinking about another newspaper). D) It should have been a 27-part series. 2. Register columnist Dave Soloman describes Yale in all the following ways EXCEPT A) mediocre B) stupid C) as a place that "surrendered control of its athletic destiny to the self-serving impulses of the Ivy League presidents in 1980" D) smelly Logical Reasoning of the Week At about 4:45 on Monday, September 16, a member of the crack staff at Roundup requested an interview with Dartmouth running back Greg Smith, who is the son of former NFL Hall of Famer Jackie Smith. But much to our chagrin, we were told, in the harsh words of a Dartmouth sports information flunkie, that he was a "problem." We were then redirected to more amiable Mark Abel. From this scenario, one can infer that Smith's problem was? A) that he's moody. B) that he's mute. C) that he's a mathematical question. D) that he does not realize that his father was the good football player. Pete Carril, who spent 29 years coaching Princeton basketball (and who bares an amazing resemblance to Yoda), retired from the Tigers staff this past year. Subsequently, he was hired by the Sacramento Kings as an assistant coach. Since the Curmidgeon is best known for running an offense that encourages his players only to shoot after the defense (and fans, referees, vendors, etc., etc.) fall asleep, Kings All-Star guard Mitch Richmond will lead the team with 2.7 points a game this season. Which of the following will weaken the assumption that this conclusion is based upon? A) Carril will be kidnapped by a Jedi warship. B) The Force will be with the Kings. C) Carril will change his coaching philosophy. D) Carril's coaching role will be limited. Logic Games of the Week In Ivy League football, the eight schools finish in reverse order of their rankings in U.S. News and World Report. However, no matter how low Cornell sinks academically, the Big Red will never win the Ivy League championship because of their innate ability to suck. The team that will win the Ivy League championship is? A) SUNY-Binghampton B) Cornell College (in Iowa) C) Ithaca College D) Not Penn State Six for six? Did you discover Roundup's not-so-cryptic pattern to the answers? Well, that's a 180 -- enough to get you into Yale. Of course, who would ever want to go to Yale (except for a certain Roundup writer).

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