U. alums are first surrogate gay dads

Tim Fisher and Scott Davenport first met at a Glee Club performance during Fisher's first week at the University about 16 years ago. They became friends almost immediately and have stayed together ever since. And together, Fisher and Davenport are considered the first gay male couple to have adopted a child conceived by a surrogate mother. The couple have adopted Kati, 2, and are awaiting permission from a judge to adopt Fritz, who was born in mid-May. Both children were born of different surrogate mothers, with Fisher as the father. "We are the classic 'Leave It To Beaver' family with one little twist," Davenport said this week. "We consider ourselves very lucky." Fisher and Davenport first became a couple during Fisher's sophomore year, Davenport's junior year. At first, Fisher said, their relationship was not out in the open because "being gay was not something we were ready to deal with." "The way we did come out was stress-free," and "it was not until grad school," he continued. "It takes a lot to come out in college." The couple said that very few people were "out" when they were undergraduates and that it was very socially unacceptable to be gay at the University. They said they also felt that certain fraternities on campus were very homophobic. "In the late '70s, people weren't able to deal with being gay," Fisher said. But, Davenport said, "there were one or two people at Penn who were openly gay." Fisher added that at that time, AIDS was unheard of, and as a result, the gay community was very different from the way it is now. Davenport also said it is natural to have a certain amount of homophobia and that homophobia usually appears in peer group environments, like fraternities and some other student organizations. But now, Davenport said friends, peers and even strangers, have "a very positive, positive reaction" to their chosen lifestyle. And at home, there are two young children to take care of and educate. "We talk about love and [Kati] knows who her immediate and extended family is," Fisher said. "She is learning about sex roles and families" and that stereotypes of either are bad. "She will have the advantage of knowing that work is split up by what you're good at and enjoy." When Kati was born, another University alum and his wife held a baby shower for the couple. And both friends and co-workers were there to celebrate the birth of their adopted daughter, Davenport said. "It was truly a wonderful moment, because you really got the feel of support," Davenport said. On an average day, Fisher, who the children call "Daddy", takes care of Kati and Fritz, while "Poppa", Davenport, goes to work. Davenport wakes up early in the morning for work, but spends time with the children before leaving. From 1 p.m. to 6 p.m., Kati is at nursery school and is often picked up by "Poppa." At night, "we try and have dinner together as much as we can," Davenport said, although he travels quite a bit. After dinner, the couple spends the night by giving Kati a bath and then reading her to sleep. Fritz is then looked after in the same way. After the children are put to bed, the couple then has some free time together, Davenport said. On the weekends, the couple tries to do fun things and plan different outings with the children. This month, Davenport and Fisher will be celebrating their 15-year anniversary together even if "we don't have the benefit of a marriage license," Fisher said. "Our story demonstrates that just because you're gay, you don't have to give up having a family," Davenport said. It also proves that "our relationships can last," Fisher added. "Straight people at Penn need to remember that a lot of gay people aren't out yet," Fisher said. "There are a lot of people at Penn who realize that they are gay or lesbian. People should be more accepting of diversity." "If you come to the realization that you are gay, it is an amazing discovery, and it is something to be proud of," Davenport said. "I know who I am, and that's important to me."

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