COLUMN: "Rape and the Three R's"

From Debra Pickett's "Studs In Strange Places," Spring '92. In typical big brother style, Jim, a notable college stud, warned his baby sister, age 14, "Don't get raped." Like Little Red Riding Hood, she must be told to stay on the path, to never stray, to never be adventurous. Never mind where the most beautiful flowers are. Danger lies in the woods. Like most young women in our culture, she must be taught that men cannot control their desires, that male sexual aggression is a part of nature; that she, as a young woman, must be the responsible party in every sexual encounter. She must see that her power is not that of initiator, but is entirely dependant upon someone else's acceptance of the word "no." Don't get raped. Prevent it from happening to you. When a woman gets raped, she lets it happen. She must secretly want it. After all, she should know better than to get herself into one of those situations. If women never left their homes, they wouldn't get raped, would they? Except, of course, for the 14 percent of married women who are raped by their husbands -- but that's different, isn't it? That's more like a domestic dispute and there's certainly nothing we can do about those. And there are women who are raped by intruders and such, but that's such a small percentage, isn't it? It probably wouldn't happen to your mother or sister. They're very careful, aren't they? As long as women live within the rape schedule we've prescribed for them, they should be fine. Don't go out at night, especially not without a man to protect you. Better forget about that night job or those overtime hours. Don't drink, especially at bars or fraternity parties. Fun? No way, too dangerous. Stop wearing those short skirts and high heels. You know what that does to a man. You can't expect him to control himself when you're just asking for it like that. Young women must be taught to fear. Do you know what it feels like to be lost in a bad neighborhood at night? Imagine having that feeling when you're just sitting with a friend. Because that's what it's like to accept the fear: to sit with a guy in his room and know that he's stronger than you and that the door is locked and that no one would really hear if you screamed. The fear is what lingers longest when you are victimized. That's when you finally learn the lesson that Jim tried to teach his sister. It happened because you let it. You forgot the responsibility you had as a woman. He couldn't help it. You were there, asking for it. What else could you have expected? You should learn to always expect it, accept your fear and rely on it to protect you. You know, maybe instead of buying into all this bullshit, we ought to do something to change the cultural assumption that men will naturally rape if given the opportunity. Maybe if we stopped expecting and accepting it, we could actually do something to end the problem. Rape is not natural. There are tribes, such as the Arapesh, in which rape is unheard of. Both sexes are expected to act with gentleness and concern. Animals in the wild do not rape. There is no reason for us to expect men to rape, either. When we say, "Don't get raped," even the lingusitic construction of the warning implies our culture's acceptance of the male rape prerogative. It is a passive construction, something a woman gets, something that happens to her, not something a man does. It implies that if women would change their behavior, men would stop raping. The violence of sexual terrorism is indiscriminate. It's time to accept that. It doesn't just happen to those uppity bitches who are asking for it. Just being a woman is enough. We've got to stop this legacy of fear that is being passed down. It's the fear that makes women dependant upon men for protection. It's a part of the conspiracy that keeps the levers of social power in men's hands. The fear is what makes prisoners of us all. Maybe when we take our daughters and little sisters aside to tell them, "Don't get raped," we should also take our sons and little brothers aside and teach them not to rape. Of course, your little brother wouldn't rape, would he? But when you warn your baby sister, aren't you assuming that someone's son, someone's little brother will rape? Why not yours? Why not? Maybe we should start teaching a new set of the three R's: respect, restraint and responsibility. I know my elementary school did. The problem was that they didn't teach it to the boys. · Debra Pickett is a freshman English major from Franklin Township, New Jersey. Studs in Strange Places appears alternate Mondays.

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