COLUMN: "Money for Nothing"

From Sumeet Goel's "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?", Spring '92 Personally, I become self-actualized (remember Maslow's hierarchy?) every time I walk through there now. Self-actualized to the extent that I now realize Penn's stupidity when it comes to spending huge sums of money on projects that are not really necessary, with funds that would be better spent elsewhere. Just some random numbers that I want to throw at you: $2.1 million, $65 million, $60 million, $16 million and $14 million. · 1. Class of '62 Walk: Probably the biggest waste of time and money I have seen -- or will ever see -- here at Penn. I don't care who gave the money for this, or how it was earmarked, you can't tell me that there's no other way to spend that money more responsibly or to convince the people who donated it to reallocate the funds. I don't know, but with some of that $2.1 million isn't it possible to take out and permanently replace the blocks on Locust that are either six inches below or above ground, and still have enough money left over to do about 20 other more beneficial projects? 1. Winter Wonderland: Sure it's a nice idea, but did we really get our money's worth of doughnuts and decorative lights over the last two years? It boggles my to think about how we can pay this much for ice sculptures that last for only a few hours, but can't get enough hot water to take a shower in the high rises at 10 a.m. 3. Institute for Advanced Science and Technology: For those of you who are under the assumption that the demolition of Smith Hall and subsequent construction of the research facility will be totally United States government funded, think again. Our friendly benefactors from D.C. will probably bestow upon Penn the sum total of $10 million for a project currently approximated -- more on those approximations below -- to cost around $75 million. For those non-math majors among us, that $65 million for Penn to come up with. 4. Revlon Center: Penn needs another campus (read: shopping) center about as much as it needs another tuition hike, but can they make up their minds as to how much we are going to get ripped off? The original estimates (in 1990) had the total cost approximated at $30,000,000, with groundbreaking in 1991 and completion by 1993. Now, the approximations are $60,000,000 -- groundbreaking by 1994, completion in 199?. Anyone want to bet that the numbers reach $100,000,000, 1996, 200? by next year sometime? 5. Logan Hall: Do you realize that this year's freshmen have not, and probably will never, see Logan Hall without that damn scaffolding surrounding it? Plus, the administration's kicked everyone out of there and sent them to the far reaches of campus. The scaffolding has been up on Logan Hall for so long that birds are now making nests in the pole corners. 7. Wharton Quadrangle/Mack Plaza: Did anyone count how many times they tried out different flowers and trees in front of Vance Hall last year? I'll grant you that the walk from Vance to Career Planning and Placement is now much more aesthetically pleasing, but did you know that -- according to what one administrator said last year -- the thing is supposed to resemble a second College Green, with trees and places for frisbee throwing? Yeah, okay . . . We don't know how much money was spent on all this, because the donations and budgets weren't disclosed. Further, as soon as you come over the 38th Street bridge, heading east, just opposite the Bookstore -- need more directions? -- you see a fenced-off area. Pleasant, isn't it? Well, some of the money for the Quadrangle is going to this area's much needed restoration. The traffic between McNeil and the Computing Resource Center right at that juncture was so heavy that the move was, without a doubt, entirely necessary. Let's take a vote: How many of you would rather see the money go towards more security on campus, so we don't have to deal with muggings right on Locust Walk? · Sure, the money for some of these projects is specifically earmarked ahead of time, and the financial contributors for them obviously want something more than some replaced Locust Walk blocks named after themselves. However, isn't it nice to dream about what life would be like if Penn used the non-earmarked monies for more beneficial projects, and spent as much effort trying to convince alumni and companies to fund projects worth something valuable, as they do kissing their respective asses so that they can have a section of campus named after them? Let's see, from what we know about their budgets, the above projects total $157 million dollars, plus an undisclosed amount for the Shearson-Lehman Hutton Quadrangle, plus several hundred brownies and sundry other items for Winter Wonderland. And with 20,000 undergraduate and graduate students at the University, if we divide that by 20,000 it comes to . . . about $9000 a student. Wow, think about what you could do with $9,000: go to Cancun for 25 spring breaks in a row, buy a decent Honda, build speed bumps for those oh-so-dangerous Penn bikers . . . or here's a novel idea: a 75-percent-off sale. Go to Penn for a whole year for the cost of a quarter-year's tuition! · JUST WONDERING: I think Peter Gabriel is an awesome singer, but sometimes he can be so incomprehensible. Does anyone know the opening words to "Sledgehammer"? Eh-heh-oo-bee, Eh-bow-dee-oo-zem . . . and then later on in the song: I'm your sledgehammer, Let there be no doubt about it, Sledge, sledge, sledge, I get ________! I kicked the habit . . . (and if it is what I think it is, why would you want to kick the habit?) Sumeet Goel is a sophomore Communications and Finance major from Parsippany, New Jersey. "I'm From Joisey! You From Joisey?" appears alternate Thursdays.

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