Best friends of gays share experiences

"I'm gay." In the cases of Jorge, Kirk, Jason and Jodi, those two words changed not only their own lives but the lives of their best friends, Moyna, Stacey, Chris and Brandy, as well. As part of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian Awareness Days, over 40 people gathered in the seminar room of High Rise East to discuss what happens when a person discovers his or her best friend is gay. The discussion featured five student panelists and was moderated by the Quadrangle's Assistant Dean for Residence Brenda Ridley. The panelists related how their friends "came out" to them and how they dealt with the news. Most of the panelists said they had little difficulty in accepting the fact that their best friend was gay and instead found that their friend's coming out improved their relationship. "Jason had become somebody none of us wanted to be around," College junior Chris Lehmann said. "He was moody and distant. But once he came out to me, he was back to his old self. It seemed like a big weight had been lifted from his shoulders." In most of the cases, the panelists said they were among the first people to whom their friends came out. Wharton senior Moyna Sen said that in such cases, the most important thing for the friend to do is offer support. "The first thing your friend needs to hear is that it's okay," Sen said. "Even though he or she may tell you they're gay, doesn't mean they, themselves are comfortable with that fact yet." And although the majority of students said they did not have much difficulty in accepting their best friend's homosexuality, some clearly had more difficulty than others. College senior Ray Godleski said he had been brought up in a staunchly Catholic household which tended to be very intolerant and homophobic. When his best friend Kirk came out to him, he said it forced him to reconsider a lot of what he had been brought up to believe about gay people. "It challenged every notion I had ever had about what a gay person was," Godleski said. "I realized that gay people weren't the sexual perverts the media had been led me to believe they were." Lehmann's difficulty lay not in dealing with the discovery that his best friend and roommate was gay, but in dealing with his concerns for Jason and the physical risks which come with being a member of the homosexual community. "I think that perhaps my only problem with Jason's coming out was the fact that I realized he was entering a community that is very much at risk right now," Lehmann said. "I want him to be my friend for a long, long time."

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