Why did the Selman cross the 'Street'? It's a hairy question

and DAVID BOYER 34th Street Staff Writers A wiseman once said: "Beware of yellow snow." Matt Selman never said that. He is not a wiseman. Selman is, however, 34th Street's new bad-boy. And as his first act as Editor-in-Chief, the spirited upstart pasted a picture of John Cusack from Street's dusty archives on the back of the office door as a pseudo-autobiographical shrine to be worshipped by all those who enter. But the picture wasn't quite ready. A Michael Jackson press photo, a clever scissor job and a bit of ingenuity later, Selman's self-portrait -- complete with five-inch deep Jackson Five "fro" -- was open for viewing. From an outsider's perspective, Matt (affectionately known by friends as Matt) looks like a typical rabbi-in-training with a full head of curly Jewish locks. But if the truth be told, Selman has a bizarre obsession with his hair. In short, it is the sun of the Selman universe. Close confidante and incoming Assistant Managing Editor Roxanne Patel disclosed the Selman secret -- he uses upwards of 25 hair-care products including "a new one called Frizz-reducer." His technique for that perfect coif is to "stand in front of the mirror and do the Buckwheat fondle, but no touch" hair thing . . . patent pending. A-ha, we knew it. But there's more to Selman than his hair. There's also the J. Crew catalogues strategically placed on his nightstand. "It's kinda weird," said Patel. "It's like he just sits around and talks to the J. Crew operators . . . I think it's a sexual thing." And in fact Matt is on the DP fashion counsel -- noting the obvious lack of taste from the incoming DP hierarchy -- and has recommended the colors Midnight, Forest and Huckleberry for spring. So you say, what is all this shit? We want to know the real Matt Selman. Well, here goes. He is an avid sky-diver, award-winning lambada dancer, Franz Kafka scholar and close friend of George McGovern . . . NOT. Actually, Matt spent a relatively unspectacular childhood in Cambridge, Mass. He was an obsessive comic book collector and according to his younger brother Jesse, "never got into the social scene too much. He was sorta like above that 'crazy' high school partying." But oh how times have changed. Matt, obviously not above "crazy" college partying, is infamous among friends for his magnificent liquor consumption and repulsive day-long vomiting extravaganzas. According to one of Matt's friends, "Every story about Matt is a drunken one." And former roommate Tom Yannone recalls the time Matt stumbled home, mistook a can of white spray paint for a can of hair spray (of course) and sprayed four streaks of white paint onto his all-too-perfect mane. How did the night end, you ask? He passed out in the shower with his clothes on, emotionally distraught by the affront to his identity. And with his biting wit, quirky personality and extensive insight into American pop-culture, Selman has "big plans for Street . . I want to make it the highlight of every student's week, a bigger institution on this campus than the DP." Keep the faith. Ya dig?

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