Column: Breaking Into The Circle

I do know the fundamentals of the major sports. For example, I know the difference between a safety and a field goal; I know what a double play and a full count are; and I know the difference between a full court press and a pick. But when it comes to statistics, rotisserie leagues and the nitty gritty of sports, I am at a loss. My sports trivia ignorance probably would not have bothered me had it not so glaringly separated me from the overwhelmingly-male board of DP editors and managers. Sports knowledge might have been a litmus test, but the differences between me and my colleagues extended further. · One year ago, we were not yet in the formal DP hierarchy. Intangibles such as status and power seemed to mean less. And despite the fact that many of us were running for the same positions on the DP's 107th board, we were all confident that no matter the outcome of the elections, we would be able to work together effectively. One year later, we are finally living up to that goal. We work together productively and have at last got the hang of this thing called a student newspaper, but it's been a rough road. In this past year, I often felt marginalized -- even though I was supposed to be in charge. Going into it, I knew I was probably the antithesis of the idealized picture of the executive editor of a daily paper. I am not aggressive. I have a high voice. I am a short, bouncy Asian woman. Given a choice, I prefer to be non-confrontational. At times, I emphasize feelings as opposed to facts in my arguments. In short, I act in a socialized feminine manner. But despite these feminine qualities, I wanted to be recognized by my male peers as a strong executive editor. Early on, being accepted by the guys on my board and proving to them that I could take control, despite my seeming disadvantages, became an all-encompassing goal. And so I tried to make myself an authority by taking a confrontational approach. I zealously criticized others when they made mistakes, while sometimes neglecting my own duties. But now I realize that by trying to adhere to a formula of leadership that didn't fit me, I alienated myself from others on the board. Sometimes I found myself alone, even when I was pursuing valid points. Getting your agenda through is difficult when there is no one to back you up. And I found it doubly hard to be heard because I was a woman working with others who by virtue of their gender and background had a common base that I felt I could not share. At times, I suspected that my complaints about sexist or racist articles went unheard because I was a woman and minority. Perhaps the other editors felt I was permitting my special-interest concerns to interfere with journalistic freedom and responsibility. At times, I felt the nightly story conferences were more like a men's locker room where I was an outsider subject to attack. And at times, I wished I could break into the circle of guys and talk about (or at least understand) the DP's rotisserie league. But when it comes down to it, I will remember how I made a unique contribution to the paper despite the difficulties I faced and the limitations I imposed on myself. I will remember our extensive coverage of the Gulf War and our five-part series on date rape that could have only resulted from all the editors working together. As time goes by, I don't think I'll remember the in-fighting with other editors over power and responsibilities. And when it comes down to it, I would not trade my DP career for anything. I have loved working with these people, despite the conflicts and tensions that often arose. More important, I have learned a great deal from them. And I hope that they have learned a little something from me as well. Helen Jung is a senior English major from Youngstown, Ohio and executive editor of The Daily Pennsylvanian. No Tagbacks has appeared alternate Tuesdays.

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