Zaid Alsubaiei | First years, tread lightly

Stepping on Penn’s campus for the first time can be a gruesome experience. You have a little excitement here, some anxiety there, and — if you’re anything like me — a whole truckload of fear. There’s something that goes wrong between the countless “connections” you made during New Student Orientation and the moment you wave your parents goodbye, not expecting to see them for months. It is an uneasy feeling, undoubtedly, and no amount of small talk at the Hill or Kings Court English House dining halls can compensate for the emotional comfort you have surrendered to be here.

And though it is true that this discomfort erodes with time, it won’t necessarily fade entirely. Why am I saying this? Because while it may be tempting to go with the cliché “be-yourself-and-get-out-there!” approach to life at Penn, that advice doesn’t meaningfully help anyone (especially first years) in accepting a grim reality: Many of us feel lonely, stressed, and estranged. The community you are inheriting is divided and often superficial, with building rapport being replaced with coffee chats and Instagram follows.

It’s unfortunate, but merely complaining would be pointless. So, in rather frank terms, here is what I learned my first year at Penn.

1. Remember who you are and what brought you here: I don’t mean this in the rose-colored “be-yourself!” way. Your personality and thinking will naturally evolve in college and beyond, but that doesn’t mean you should force it. We often see our four years of university as an opportunity to “reinvent” ourselves, and occasionally we take that to such an extent where we begin to lose the values and principles that anchor us to the experiences and people that define us. You don’t need to push yourself from the “nerdy” loner to the “douchey” cool kid in three months; trust me, if that’s your destiny, it’ll come soon enough.
2. Not everything is a networking opportunity: Don’t be the person who constantly puts on their corporate voice when they talk to someone. Networking has its perks (particularly at Penn). However, it shouldn’t be a replacement for building a profound relationship with another person. Making friends you genuinely connect with is not an opportunity that comes around often, so cherish when a conversation starts to flow for you, instead of sharing your LinkedIn.
3. Be willing to sacrifice: Penn, if anything, is demanding. That means some days you won’t get to have that extra hour of sleep, cozy up in bed to watch some Netflix, or go out with friends. In fact, expect those sacrifices to happen quite often. Be open to the idea that a lot of your week is going to be rather hectic as you stay up to date with your courses and extracurricular involvements.
4. Even though we can be shallow, we’re still your family: I know, given all this and what you may be experiencing, that it feels like you’re in this alone. The notion of yourself being in an all-out Hunger Games with your fellow Quakers can be daunting, demoralizing, and highly discouraging. Nonetheless, if there is one idea I want you to take away from this column, it’s that we are here for you—whether it’s faculty, staff, or fellow students. While we may reject your application to UPMUNC and pose as top-tier professionals (even though we’re no more than teenagers), we are your family, and that means being there when you need us most.

I don’t mention all this for you to blindly follow it. After all, I am no god. Nevertheless, learning these four points about Penn came as a shock to me in my first year, with each point having its own impact on my mental health and ability to perform. For a while, I forgot who I was; I stopped talking to people out of fear of what they thought and constantly questioned whether I belonged here. 

Eventually, I decided to talk to someone, and the response I received was overwhelmingly supportive. So, take it from a kid who spends his free time playing chess and driving his roommate mad: No matter how lost you feel, every member of the Penn community has your back. But, you have to take that first step of letting us know when you need it. And dear upperclassmen, being the “older” person in the room isn’t just a title of “superiority.” Meet the first years halfway; talk to them, and if they’re going through a similar experience you had, share your story. Be the guide you wish you had your first year here.

Class of 2028, in front of you is a rough path filled with adversity, but it’s one you’re not walking alone. You have earned your place here and you belong here. Never forget that. Take care.

Counseling services provided by Penn’s Wellness Office

Emergency contact numbers (for any urgent physical health, mental health, or safety concerns)

ZAID ALSUBAIEI is a College sophomore studying economics from Al-Khobar, Saudi Arabia. His email address is zaidsub@sas.upenn.edu.