Terrible Talking Points You Can't Avoid This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a special time of the year, when the whole family can come together to disagree and yell over canned cranberry sauce and burnt brussels sprouts. To prepare you for the inevitable, we've assembled a few of the topics that are bound to cause tension at the dinner table.

1. Can Bernie Sanders still become president, and what do his feet smell like?
2. Did the devil create atheism?
3. Who’s better, the Beatles or Rae Sremmurd?
4. Apartheid
5. What is the proper nomenclature for puma concolor: puma, mountain lion, or cougar?
6. The Great Sweet Bagel Debate
7. How much of the weight you gained is muscle, and how much is fat?
8. I can have more than one glass of wine, Mom. I'm 20.
9. Is Randy my real uncle, or is he in Witness Protection?
10. It's pronounced tur-duck-en, not turd-ucken
11. Your grandparents arguing about whether Lil Yachty is revitalizing or destroying hip hop
12. Square toed dress shoes
13. Does Bruno Mars is gay? 
14. Are the troops good, or are they great?
15. Your grandpa will explain the Great Depression but you'll be too drunk to pay attention because of the one glass of wine your mom let you have
16. Is masturbation a sin, and what if you're masturbating a horse?
17. Why is there tofurkey on the table? Who cares if Rebecca is a pescatarian? She has to pick a side like the rest of us.
18. Subtitles
19. Steve is not my dad and I'm not going to call him that
20. The Roundup
21. The Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882
22. Why didn't the Defense of Marriage Act save my aunt and uncle's marriage?
23. Structural unemployment
24. Is the turkey too dry, or is your dad trying to carve three reams of paper on the dining room table?
25. Alt-right is not a genre of music
26. Why can't you just bring home a nice Jewish boy for once?
27. Having to explain that this post about you is satirical