Emily Hoeven | Bringing sexy back

Growing Pains | The distinction between self-empowerment and the feeling of power which comes from external sources

By Emily Hoeven 03/14/16 11:51pm

Spring break filled your newsfeed with not only your friends’ pictures in Puerto Rico, Cabo, Miami Beach or various Alternate Spring Break locations, but also with the breaking news that Kim Kardashian had broken the Internet once again with her post of a nude selfie. I was asked to share my opinion on this topic multiple times over break, and each time I would roll my eyes and change the subject because in general, I try to minimize the amount of airtime I grant to Kim Kardashian. (Alas, the irony of this article.)

But the more I watched different celebrities rush to either condemn or praise Kim’s choice to post the photo, I realized that my unwillingness to contribute to the conversation stemmed less from my not wanting to give Kim thought than it did from my general uncertainty about where I stand on the relationship between sexuality and empowerment.

Part of me feels that brazenly showcasing your body is the easiest, and thus the cheapest, way of drawing attention to yourself. It can often be demeaning and objectifying because it causes others to focus not on your inner talents or qualities, but simply on the sexualized parts of your body. The other part of me thinks that if you feel good when you present yourself in a sexy way, who’s to say that’s wrong or disempowering? Why should you be shamed for celebrating and showcasing your body? Shouldn’t it be possible to flaunt your sexiness and sexuality and retain your autonomy and power at the same time?

This is a debate that comes up particularly often in regard to the intersection of women’s sexuality and women’s empowerment. I’ve always considered myself a feminist, but have also always considered modesty, both physical and intellectual, as inextricably linked to self-respect and self-worth. I therefore struggle to reconcile this belief with the notion that wearing revealing clothing and projecting yourself in a sexual way should always be considered empowering.

This is not because I think women should be ashamed of or shamed for their bodies. Far from it. Rather, it is because I sense that, especially in regard to physical appearance, self-empowerment is often confused with the feeling of power or gratification that derives from the reactions of an external source. Let’s consider Kim’s provocative photo as an example. The self-empowerment in this situation lies in the action of choice. Kim chose to take the photo and to present herself in a certain way. She was her own agent in that decision.

It is true that this could be seen as empowering in the sense that it’s her body and she has the right to portray it however she wants. There is a definite measure of autonomy in that. However, that autonomy is significantly diluted if the choice was made in order to get validation and confirmation from the reactions of other people.

Why did Kim post the picture? Part of it was a smart business and publicity decision: She knows what people will respond to. Sex sells and it creates fame and it always will. Was the other reason because she felt empowered by her sexiness? Not really — because if she truly felt sexy and wanted to celebrate that aspect of herself, she wouldn’t have to post a nude picture. She would be content in herself and her appearance without having to do that. She wouldn’t have to share a photo to prove it to the world and broadcast it like a giant sign with neon lights.

No — Kim posted the photo because she feels powerful when other people talk about her and cause her to be a trending topic and post about her body, whether to approve of it or criticize it. Her empowerment, then, is not so much of an internal quality as it is something that is defined by the responses of the masses.

This phenomenon is troubling because it’s not particular to Kim. We’re all human, and we will always seek the approval, commentary and attention of other humans. This is natural, but it has become worryingly prominent in the digital age: We are more self-obsessed than ever, yet paradoxically more reliant on the validation of others as manifested through likes, shares and comments. And it’s made us forget how to be sexy and self-empowered at the same time.

In all our social media sharing, video watching, filtered imaging and prime-time posting, in transferring our power to random people behind their computer screens, we’ve forgotten that all it really takes is feeling good in your own skin.

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