If you saw the South Park episode where Jimmy uses steroids and signs up to compete in the Special Olympics, I'm sure you found the terribly ironic awards ceremony as hilarious as I did.
After a historic day of first place finishes and world records, Jimmy stands on the medal platform braced to accept praise as the Special Olympics' most celebrated performer of all time.
He appears as the American hero -- a disabled boy who beat the odds, overcame some of life's most troubling obstacles and shattered historic marks in every event he competed in.
Yet, he can not -- he will not -- accept the accolades.
With Mark McGuire, Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds standing proudly behind him on the podium, Jimmy breaks down and confesseses his steroid use. He stands up for what is right and admits he was a cheater.
Gearing up for the summer games in Athens, I've found myself less than excited about the controversy surrounding the alleged rampant use of steroids by American athletes.
The allegations of steroid distribution surrounding the BALCO fitness center in San Francisco has turned Olympic hype into a frenzy of lies, front page news stories and Congressional hearings that can hardly be avoided.
Names like Marion Jones, Tim Montgomery and Calvin Harrison, names that were once connected with gold medals performances and world record marks, are today mentioned in the same sentence with some of the sports' worst cheaters.
And as we look forward to celebrating our patriotism and honor on the grandest of sports stages, I find myself wondering whether or not we'll be the embarrassment of Athens 2004.
So -- for those of you like me who are preparing for the absolute worst this summer, here's a new name for you:
Alan Webb.
Ok, so he's not exactly your typical American sports hero. Yes, he's a scrony distance runner who once broke the high school mile record that had stood for over 30 years, but give him a chance.
True -- his physique more closely resembles Lois Lane's than Superman's, and he's anything but your run-of-the mill decathlete. Yes -- he did spend the past two years nursing running injuries at the University of Michigan.
But if your eyes weren't glued to the television screen this past Sunday to catch the finals of the U.S. 1500 meter time trials, you missed quite a performance.
With a little more than 700 meters left in a race that featured the best the U.S. has to offer, knowing he would have to exert every ounce of energy he had, Webb took off in a dead sprint to the finish line, hoping to earn himself a chance to wear the red, white and blue come August.
Not only did he earn a spot on the U.S. Olympic team -- more importantly, in a time in which American sports fans don't know what to think or who to believe Webb proved that he's a guy who doesn't need a syringe to tell him how powerful his heart is.
When Jimmy stood on the medal platform in South Park and spilled his guts to the whole country, refusing to accept honors as the best the Special Olympics had to offer, the scene couldn't have been more hilarious.
Unfortunately, for us -- for Americans -- this whole BALCO thing really isn't funny at all.
Alan Webb will never adorn the front page of a cereal box, nor will he ever realistically carry the hearts of an entire nation into the Olympic games.
Ironically, with all the controversy surrounding our track and field athletes, Webb's heart-wearming performance stands out like a guy shooting steroids and breaking records at the Special Olympics.
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