COLUMN: French rudeness a big myth

Blondes are ditzy. Americans are money grubbing. The French are rude. They're all common stereotypes, but let's touch on that third one. Forgive me, for I'm coming off a semester-long France high. Who wouldn't get used to a life of croissant and cafe au lait interludes, two-hour lunch breaks in Parisian gardens and falling asleep each night to a view of the Eiffel Tower? But as a Francophile, I feel that I must defend this most audacious accusation about French behavior and clarify some social differences between the French and our fellow Americans. Now for those of you who've ventured to France, I admit that at first it's possible to perceive a certain air of rudeness. But this is just because the French are more standoffish than Americans. (This standoffishness doesn't, however, apply to French men in their pursuit of young American women.) On the flip side of this is the American way: the desire or need to be immediately and outwardly friendly, to please everyone we meet -- to schmooze, if you will. Foreigners sometimes also criticize Americans for being too quick to turn an acquaintance or even a mere passerby into a friend. Just the other day, I was waiting to catch a bus in New York, when a very nice lady randomly engaged herself in conversation with me about traveling to Europe. Nice to see that in the city, you may say, but I was a bit scared when she handed me her card and asked me to call her when she got back from her summer vacation abroad so we could hang out. The French, on the other hand, usually aren't overly friendly the first time you meet them and won't accept someone as a friend until the third or fourth meeting -- they're more prudent about who they call "friends." But if you're meeting a friend or relative of one of your French friends for the first time, they'll welcome you as if you were family -- kissing you four times on the cheeks and immediately involving you in conversation. Sometimes l find it hard to merely talk to some of my friends' parents whom I've known for ten years! Trying to cross the streets in New York or Philadelphia, even when you have the green light, turns out to be a game of avoiding mad taxi drivers and other vehicles while you contemplate which gesture to use to respond to their profanity. But surprisingly, in Paris, where people do drive recklessly, motorists will actually stop for pedestrians in crosswalks and patiently wait for them to cross. And like any friendly folk, French people will hold the door for you -- they'll even stand there for a good 10 or 15 seconds while you catch up. Although Americans are often approachable about giving people directions, the French, au contraire, aren't bad at it either. I once disturbed a Frenchman's lunch at an outdoor cafe to ask him how I might find a nearby hotel (the art of eating is of the utmost importance, don't forget). He promptly wiped off his mustache and got up to walk me to the hotel. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted. I'll also never forget the first time I tried escargot -- at 5 a.m. in a little restaurant with my friends. A nice French couple came to our table and showed us the proper way to remove the snail from its shell. Maybe they did this only because we were embarrassing their culture, but it made us pretty happy; with any luck I'll retain that knowledge the next time something moves me to eat snails. Finally, landlords are proof that the French can be kind. We've all had bad landlords, and they seem to proliferate around college campuses. But my Paris landlord, Madame Combe, was incredibly nice and helpful, and my friends had similar experiences. Day or night, her husband would rush over to help my two roommates and me in our time of trial, always with a smile and a witty joke. I can only hope I'll get such treatment from my landlord this fall. As you can see, the French aren't really that bad. You don't have to take this too seriously: There are considerable variations among French people; perhaps I was lucky in my experiences. But Americans need to consider and accept social differences before they brand an entire culture "rude." If you're one of those people who've had an unfortunate run-in with a rude French person, better luck next time. Or just return the attitude -- I never said the French aren't having fun when they are rude.

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